December 2nd, 2008
JEFBOT.99_Burpless
It’s true: I can’t burp. I’ve been acutely aware of this deficiency ever since I was a kid, watching my friends down Cokes while letting off huge, belching thunderclaps. Everyone else in my family can burp, which my sisters have made painfully obvious at almost every family dinner, yet my throat has been silenced, for reasons unknown.
Is anyone else out there burpless? Have any of you been burpless and overcome it? How fun is burping? I demand answers!!!
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Yes, it’s also true that rats can’t burp. Find out why by clicking here.
yay! I’m first to comment! My friend’s ex-boyfriend did not have the gift of the burp. However, he taught himself somehow, so… where there’s a will, there’s a way. Maybe we could arrange for a class. xoxo Mary
sign me up, Mary!
How have you not exploded yet?
I like Corns expression in the third panel.
if i drink a lot of soda or beer, believe me, it feels like i’m going to explode.
To learn to burp, just drink something gassy, then tence your stomach and pull it in untill you burp. The more you tence the greater the pressure in your stomache, eventually it should force it’s way out in a burp (or if you go to far you will vomit but at least you will know you are getting close)
i’ve tried doing this many times in the past, Kylej64, but to no avail. came close to vomiting a couple times doing it, too.
Jefbot, I find myself seriously concerned. As Mr. Mojo asked, how have you not exploded yet? the only conclusion i can come to is this: all of that gas has to go somewhere, and if you’re not burping, well, there’s only one other way that it comes out. eeew.
to your health, sir. [takes giant swig of orange soda]
BUUUUURRRPP!!!
heheh. yes, thankfully, i don’t have a problem with gas coming out *ahem* that way, otherwise, i think i would explode, Jed!!!
OMG! Gross and so funny all at the same time! Love the last frame! Great artwork… P. S. it’s a shame you can’t burp… it feels so good!
burping “feels so good”!? now you’re just teasing me, Funnyshaffer!
So funny…yet so sad at the same time.
yes, but unfortunately, so true, as well.
That belch makes me miss my sister! Ahhhhhh family!!!
ha! yes, i also know the sound of both my sisters’ belches well.
Makes me wonder if you are suffering from a chronic spasm of the lower esophageal sphincter…
ugh, i hope not. that doesn’t sound good, DrGaellon.
on sunday i’m going to eat tuna, peanut butter and eggs and then, and then, and then, more good times!!!
did i mention i’m probably not going to be able to make it on sunday? but i’m sure the rest of the family will enjoy your “good times”!
Can’t burp? Well, the gas has got to go somewhere… I await the sequel: JeffBot farts.
i haven’t done any fart jokes yet in JEFbot, Stan – this may be my opportunity!
my husband taught me how last year. i still cannot burp on command, but now, if i need to i can, yay!
wow, this gives me hope, Anonymous!!!
Surely you burp involuntarily. I can’t do it “on purpose” either (although my wife can like a champ), but I do burp.
i don’t even burp involuntarily, kfreeman13! it’s like there’s a barrier stopping any air from getting out.
… still can’t believe it, you must have forgotten how… maybe it’s because you never get enough sleep!:(
if that’s the reason, i haven’t gotten enough sleep since before i can remember! comforting to think i could burp when i was a baby, though…
Jefbot-san,
I feel a challenge in this information. I feel it is now my mission to make you belch. This will either kill you or succeed in your esophageal expulsion of gas. Let me know when you’re ready to begin your training.
i am more than ready to begin the training, eleventeen-san. teach me the secret of esophageal expulsion!!!
Fantastic, bot! I love the last panel. It’s true, folks. Our Jefbot cannot burp. I’ve hung out with him on many occasions and tried to teach him to burp. That’s why, when we’re out to eat, I have to burp for both of us.
hmmm, but that doesn’t explain why you fart for both of us, too.
Wow I can’t imagine not having the ability to burp on command. I take great pride in my burping ability. At college I used to be able to burp IN my dorm room and it would reverberate down the hall and people would stick their heads out (all male dorm BTW) and say things like NICE and gross at the same time.
Lets just say if it doesn’t make people go gross then it’s not loud enough.
sounds like good times, Ploute, but i’d be satisfied with just being able to do a tiny, quiet one every so often.
to burp on commnd i just swallow my breath (if that makes sense) and it just comes put again as a burp. try that
tried it before but just tried it again. now my throat just feels weird, alex. what now?
I’m burpless.
welcome to the club, Uncle M.
I too am a burpless wonder…however due to the need for release of compounding gasses my body expels what my burpless father calls ‘airy-urps’, instead…gotta love nature!
you gotta show me, kelleebelle! airy-urps are better than no urps!
So glad to know Michael can burp for the both of you!
yeah, actually, he probably burps enough for 3 or 4 people! unfortunately, it doesn’t really help my situation…
I used to be burpless, but now if I eat or drink certain things (apples and tea) I do burp. But I can’t do it on command and most of the time I do these weird inward burps. I feel I’m missing out as my boyfriend could burp for England.
i eat apples and drink tea all the time, Liz! and i’ve gotten weird hiccups when i’ve had too much to drink, but they’re painful and just make the pressure worse.
OMG, did someone have to teach you to fart too?
nope. all good in that department, someone!
I didn’t use to be able to whistle. during the last year it just sort of… hpappened.
I too would recommend just downing an unimaignable anount of soda at once.
what’s weird is that i can only whistle sucking air in, Tomix. and not very loudly, at that. thanks for the suggestion but downing a bunch of soda just results in pain.
I don’t believe there are others like you and I don’t think you need to take a class. The last panel’s hysterical and I felt the reverb.
i’m actually surprised and comforted by all the comments and emails i’ve gotten from people who are as burpless as i am, Lor!
Burping, fun? What the?! I’ll tell you this, jefbot… be grateful you aren’t any of my brothers if you ever learn how to burp and you would have been my mom’s favorite son if you were hers. In my family burping is considered very RUDE. To the point that my mom personally disable my dad and brothers’ burping abilities very early in their lives with her XD Mom says is disgusting and she will never tolerate anyone who does it in her presence XD I’ve been lucky. I can’t burp either
yeah, my mom doesn’t really approve of all the burping being done by my sisters during dinnertime either, Sonitan, but i think she’s given up that battle at this point. does not being able to burp cause you pain or discomfort at times, too?
My friend cannot burb either, she hiccups instead. I though she was just weird, but I guess it is a real deficiency.
yes, we that are burp-challenged should be given special consideration, IamCow. you should apologize to your friend and beg her forgiveness for thinking her weird.
From what I’m reading it’s a problem with your LES (Lower esophageal sphincter). Basically it’s a muscle/flap that keeps stuff from your stomach going into your lungs. If you’ve had problems with heartburn most your life this may be why. Also because of this you may have damage in your lungs. I would look into this as it seems it can very serious.
i really haven’t ever had a problem with heartburn, Ploute. but there’s gotta be something wrong with the flap since it’s not letting any air up. “damage in your lungs”!? that’s it – i’ll be bringing this up again at my next physical at the end of the month. last time i mentioned it to my doctor, he just kind of laughed it off. i think he thought i was kidding.
You can’t burp? o.o?? Weird xD
yeah, it sucks.
You are not missing anything. Think of it as a plus -
“you will always be the polite one”.
but i want the choice to be rude, AK! right now i’m just mandatorily polite!
You need to go on a burping training course.
Hmm… that’s something I could provide.
Once you learn the art of gastric expulsion you will know the joy of many.
Ah, eleventeen already has the patent!! ><